Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Going Back to Cali?

*It's important to note that the below was written while listening to DJ Quik and two days after seeing the movie, Straight Outta Compton*

On October 2nd it will be three years that I have lived in NYC. Whenever I meet new people I get asked one or both of the following: "Why did you leave California?" and "Do you ever plan on going back?" Of course I have a great story for the first question, but I never, ever have an answer for the second one. That is until about two hours ago. I was in the middle of working on a writing assignment while listening to music and out of nowhere it hit me.

I think I'm ready to go back... 

Well not exactly right now. But as I thought more about this I finally realized (more like God showed me) why it was destined for me to move to NYC. Which is major, because before this I never knew why I was here. There was just always something about New York and I knew I had to be here.
Before leaving Cali I was in desperate need of a change. I needed to see a different way of life and experience everything in a new and real form. And that is exactly what NYC has given me. I've realized NYC was necessary for me to not only realize my dreams, but make them a reality. I spend a lot of my time here alone, working and writing. My life here revolves around that and I strongly feel that is no coincidence. I now understand that being in NYC has given me the necessary push to step forward and realize my potential as a writer. And it's the only time I would have ever put fingers to keys and actually write the book that has been in me since my early twenties.

I needed this time and I still do. Just because I now clearly know why I am here, doesn't mean I'm packing up and leaving anytime soon. I’m not done, yet. It took a lot for me to get here, which I chronicled here. And living here alone certainly hasn't been easy, which I wrote about here.

But regardless of all the ups and downs and setbacks, I have made strides in my career and in my personal growth. I, along with close friends, can see I am truly different than I was when I moved here. So while I now see the path that leads back to Cali. I am by no means on it or near it. Nor am I striving to reach it. I just want to continue to create and grow. And when I feel it's time to go, I'll go.

In an effort to get me to move back home, my brother constantly tells me, "You can write from anywhere." Once I accomplish certain things in my writing career, I’ll do just that (move). But it would be foolish of me to pack up and leave now.


  1. [ wipes forehead ] - Thought you were leaving me lmao.

    Though I know I'm never going back to New England, I know NYC will not be permanent for me. It's definitely needed for now, though. Can't see myself anywhere else!

    1. Yes, NYC is a special place. It will def make you stronger!

  2. I just had a run in with someone who's alsofrom Cali as I am and our conversation was about heading back. You never know.

  3. I miss home.... So. Cal might be time to head back and settle in for the long haul.

    1. Same here. Everything I see now reminds me and makes me miss home. As soon as I feel led to go back, I gone!