Thursday, May 28, 2015

"Fist to Five"

At my job we do this thing called, "Fist to Five." Similar to thumbs up or down, "Fist to Five" is a way to share how you're feeling with a fist being terrible and five being great. For as long as I've been at my current job whenever we do this, I honestly always have a five, every single time. This was an important realization last week when we did it, because years prior I would have faked my answer and was faking my happiness.

I faked it for various reasons: my job was not fulfilling, I had no direction in life, I had the wrong people around me, and I had no drive or determination to complete things. Yes, I had plenty of things I dreamed about doing, but never thought about actually putting in any effort into doing them.

Then came my move to NYC. Let me be clear, moving to NYC did not solve all my internal battles and personal struggles. But my move did stir up a wave of confidence that has gotten me to where I am today. That place has me more determined than ever to do all the things I used to dream about doing. That place also has me in a state of happiness, even joy. There is no greater feeling than the one that comes of pursuing the things that interest you. Sure it's a lot of work. Sure you have to give up free time and hanging out with friends. But in the end that feeling of accomplishment is one that can't be replaced by anything else.

And because I like the feeling of finishing what I've set my mind to, I continue pushing forward. Even when doors close and things don't work out in my favor (as was the case last week when I found out I didn't get chosen for a fellowship program I REALLY wanted to get into), I have to keep going and finding/utilizing different avenues to get things done. Because in doing so, I am aiding in my personal happiness.

I look back on the period of my life when I was unhappy as a learning experience. I learned how easy it is to make myself upset over petty stuff. And I've learned how important it is to change my circumstances in order to change my mood.

"Happiness is not something ready made. 

It comes from your own actions."- Dalai Lama

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