Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I Have to Stay Here

"New York, New York big city of dreams."
When I first moved to NYC, almost two years ago, I had somewhat of a seamless transition (you can read about it Here). Of course I experienced challenges that everyone deals with when moving across the country, but overall I honestly felt like I'd made the right decision. I was excited for all the endless new possibilities- friends, love, and career. Having lived in California my entire life, I had no idea what NYC would be like. But I was ready, I was determined to make it.

Within my first year I'd grown so much personally and professionally. Even though I moved here with my set plans, things took a serious left turn- which actually turned out to be the RIGHT turn. But again, regardless of the setbacks and changes, NYC never broke my spirit. I was confident in my decision to move here. It was the first time in my life that I did NOT do what I was "supposed to do." I did what I wanted to do.

"This city isn't for everyone."
I often hear of NYC being spoken of as if it's this tough place to live; "It will chew you up and spit you out," they'd tell me. Since I've been here I know of five people who have moved to NYC, around the same time as me or after, and have moved back to where they came from. For those that I don't know their stories intimately, I wonder if they just couldn't hack it in the big city. Did NYC in fact chew them up? Whatever their reasons, I thanked God I was making it and continued on.

That was my attitude until July of this year. That's when the desire to move back home hit me, hard. Loneliness set in. Yes, I have met some great people in this city, but there is nothing like having your close friends and family around you. These feelings come upon me strong during summer holidays when there is no family BBQ to attend. And it gets worse during the Christmas holiday season.

After talking to my mom about my feelings she encouraged me to stay and keep pushing. But she told me if I wanted to come back, I could. When I spoke to my brother about it, he was all for the idea of me moving home. He even offered to help me look for jobs (he misses me, awe). But the fast pace of the city that literally never sleeps has captivated me. And when weighing the pros and cons, I asked myself: "Go back to California and do what?" I left because I needed a change, now I have one- a big one- am I really going to run from it?!

"If you can make in New York, you can make it anyway." 
As much as moving back to California has popped into my mind these last couple of months, I know NYC is where I need to be. Loneliness is a hurdle that has to be successfully cleared as I run my race. And as hard as it gets I can't give up. I can't let the city spit me out. I have to succeed, here and in life. 

I have to keep going, I have to keep pushing, I have to keep excelling, and I have to keep prospering. And until I confidently feel led to leave NYC, I have to stay here.

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